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| I am a horrible person. I am the worst lunch lady in the school system. But I didnt mean to be. It just happened.
So I was at Jackman Elementary today. I was called in to work this afternoon in the library. I figured: quiet library, children pouring over books silently, me checking out books and perhaps even being bored. Wrong. Actually some of this was right. There were 3 classes coming into the library that afternoon and every class had a jar of 5 "whispers" (white cotton balls). If the kids were too loud, I was told to threaten them by taking away one of their "whispers" out of their jar. I asked what the ramifications were if all their "whispers" were taken away and was given a vague answer, so I figured this meant I was supposed to be lenient. I checked books in and checked books out (on the computer). A lot of "Goosebump" books and books about Witches... hmmm.. I tried to discourage these kind of books but dont really know if this is within my job description. I also got to read "Arthurs Thanksgiving" and another cool book to the lst graders and that was a lot of fun. I must say, they were spell- bound.
I didnt know that being the "Librarian" at that school also means that you have to do the "Loop" from 3:00 to 3:30, that is, you stand outside and direct children to the correct car. You try to shut the car door without taking off any fingers. But I also had trouble with this because a lot of cars & vans open and shut doors automatically, and by me trying to open the car door (which I was told to do), messed up the mechanism and the door would open and shut about 5 times before the student could get in...
AND being "Librarian" also means that you help with LUNCH. Me and a large woman who I will call "Darla" were in charge of three very long tables of K and lst graders. It is mainly crowd control, very chaotic and overwhelming. Stop pulling her hair. Eat your peaches they are SO good. You spilled peaches all down your pants? Oh my. Here, I:ll wipe you up. Please, stop stomping in the peach juice. Hey, quit poking him in the eye with your straw. Stop mashing your sandwich and just eat it. Eat it quick, times almost up. I am so proud of you for eating your green beans. Who else can eat their green beans? (menu: mac and cheese, green beans and peaches)
THEN, a little boy points to his neighbor and says, "He"s going to throw up! He is going to barf!" I look at his neighbor, a cute little black boy. His cheeks are full of food and there is a small amount oozing from his mouth. He looks up at me with large sad eyes. I cant tell if he is serious or just goofing off and playing volcano.
But I have to be the gruff lunch lady. In charge. No nonsense. "No, he"s not going to throw up." I say, and take his napkin and wipe off his mouth and tell him to SWALLOW. Then I leave him to breakup a mini fist fight at the next table.
A few moments later the boy is calling again. "He"s going to throw up!" The little boy looks just the same as before and I tell him again to SWALLOW his food, NOW. A lot of kids say they are going to throw up and I have yet (in the 4 months I have worked in schools) to see one who does. (Yes, you know whats coming.)
This time, I am a little nervous and look over to where Darla is wiping food out of someones hair with one hand and opening someone s drink with the other. She is Wonder Woman. Some children distract me, asking if they can go to the bathroom. Then it is time to go back to class and all the kids start dumping their lunch trays in the garbage cans. There is food and garbage everywhere. I squat down to pick up some trash and get hit in the head with a lunch tray. Suddenly I hear Darla say to another lunch helper. "Yes, he just threw up his whole lunch....blah, blah..." I know. I am evil. I am a shirker. But I felt SO absolutely relieved that Darla took care of it. And this is exactly WHY I did not sign up for cafeteria duty. I just dont think I could handle it.
Lunch is over.
I cant wait to get back to the library. The quiet library - with white cotton ball "whispers" in jars, soothing overhead fans that whir hypnotically, books and bar codes and the computer scanner that gently beeps as I scan the books and advise, "What about a good horse story instead of this Goosebumps book? Do you like horses? When I was your age horses were my favorite. Or sports. Do you like sports?"
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| HIGHLIGHTS FROM MY RECENT TRIP to SEE JULIA and JESSE - in no particular order - -
- Working on framing and putting up the walls of the whole downstairs of their addition!!! Actually Scott and Jesse did all that. Julia and I did a lot of...encouraging....them....
- Going to Julia's "Beth Moore" ladies Bible Study group, - now they are doing a Kay Arthur study...
- Going hunting with Scott, Jesse, Jesse's dad and sister, Ann. Julia, her friend Clare, and I wore orange, (as in "don't-shoot-me" orange) but did NOT carry guns. I like to think we were on a girl's hike. We climbed a mountain to try to "flush out" any deer/elk toward the guys, who were now about as tiny as specks climbing up the NEXT mountain. We were up so high, Jesse's truck below looked the size of a tic-tac. I felt like Elizabeth Bennet in "Pride and Prejudice" when she stands on that high rocky hill and says, "Beautiful! Beautiful!"
Alas, it was a short hunt and we did not get any game.
- Making peanut butter pie and Wyoming-type cutout cookies and frosting them: bears, evergreen trees, moose, duck and rainbow trout - Yes, we used sprinkles and did make rainbows on the most darling trout cookies you ever did see - or eat.
- Going on a Mother-Daughter date to a Chinese restaurant in Jackson Hole and writing on the bill-thingy how much we enjoyed the food (to encourage the waiter who hardly spoke English). They were really impressed when I asked one of them to take our picture and they all peeked out of the kitchen door, grinning widely, like Julia and I were celebreties, being p hotographed in their restaraunt.
- Celebrating Jesse's 25th birthday with his large family. We didn't have cake - he wanted apple pie and pear pie. Guess who scored brownie points with the son-in-law?
- Thrift-storing
- Learning to make egg rolls
- Getting a visit from old friends Becky and Tony from Idaho who came especially to see us and bring us their glorious homemade venison jerky. Best in the world.
- Watching the guys make a HUGE snowman named Ephriam (the day it blizzarded (sp) and we got 6" of snow). It promptly melted two days later and was up to 60 degrees again.
- Watching Julia play on the Afton Ladies Volleyball team. They smeared the high school girls who they scrimmaged. Brought back fond memories..
- Laughing, talking, sharing. Watching movies and eating huge amounts of icecream and brownie..
* * *
After 10 lovely days, it was time to go home. We love you J & J and miss you already!!!
The scenery going home was beautiful though. Just like out of a picture book. Amber fields and purple mountains dotted with golden aspens and cottonwoods.
The only interesting things that happened on the 2-day ride home, was 1) when Scott went into McDonald's to pick up breakfast and a cook dropped a sausage pattie on the floor. He looked both ways to see if anyone was looking and then when he saw Scott's looking at him, he was very sheepish and threw the pattie in the trash. Scott didn't tell me this until AFTER I had eaten my egg McMuffin...
2) Seeing a huge yellow football? going down the highway. No, it's not a football, it's a camper made to look just like a giant lemon. No kidding.
Oh - I forgot to tell the skunk story...I'll give you that one next time- - -
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| Long story short, the FBI, a very reputable and responsible organization I must say, bypassed the fingerprint problem (see previous entries) and passed me with flying colors to work in the School System! My new job, with Washington Local Schools is very interesting and challenging, especially when the copy machine acts up. Scott says it will not do anything I don't program it to do, but I beg to differ.
I am "on call" and go wherever I'm needed. So far, I've spent most of my time at Whitmer High School, but also have worked at Jefferson Junior high (7th grade, next to Whitmer) and Greenwood Elementary. Whitmer's main office is pretty laid back. (You just get wind of things - senior pranks, possible brewing of violence to be nipped in the bud, parents irrate about promdress dress-code, kids sneaking off the premises in a red corvet at lunch time, and nurses reporting kids doing everything and I mean EVERYTHING physically to be able to be sent home)
Today, I spent the morning in the Dean's (4 deans) office and THAT was an experience! Scary place. Lots of big boys. Lots of girls with multicolored hair. Lots of attitude. Lots of yelling. I am looking down doing my filing, pretending I'm an old hat at this type of atmosphere. I kept making the mistake of smiling at kids when they came in the door and had to keep reminding myself that these were BAD kids, the ones that need a strong hand, the belt or JAIL maybe, and NOT a mother's sympathetic smile.
The nurses office is the most busy ALL DAY - right from the get go - 7:30 AM, there are already 5 kids wanting (notice I don't say "needing".) medical attention. Amazing.
At Greenwood I had to be "all things to all people". I enjoyed buzzing the teachers with messages, giving subs affidavids to sign, answering the phone, counseling parents regarding bullying on the bus and talking to the cops about truant kids (yeah, in 6th grade!). I gave a lot of children their meds and took some temperatures (under the arm, please) One kindergartener wet his pants (didn't seem to bother him at all) and I had to call his mother for clean clothes. Another kid POOPED his pants! ("No, don't sit down honey, you'll have to stand, over there, yes, WAY over there". Oh my, the stench) and I had to make that joyous call, as well. A lot of kids said they felt sick or were going to throw up, so I had to deal with that. All this happening simultaneous with the phone ringing, parents dropping off forgotten lunches, children wanting me to fix their glasses and the cocoa-cola delivery men asking me where do I want the pop machines to go.
I just pray to God that I won't make some huge mistake like give a child the wrong medicine, release a kid to an estranged spouse or let some mass-murdered sign in... But all in all the kids are SO CUTE. All the staff are very pleasant and helpful and the non-stop activity makes the day just whiz by -
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| I am not political. Not at all. But I do find political matters somewhat humorous. Example:
It is humorous to me - this whole Sarah Palin thing - and I am definitely NOT taking sides, BUT
Doesn't it strike anyone else funny that the Democrats and feminists who have always said, "How dare anyone question a women being able to have a family AND a full time job! Especially in politics.. women can have it all!"
are NOW saying, Mrs. Palin's family will surely suffer and she can't possibly be a good mother AND a politician, tsk tsk, etc, etc, etc..."
And at the very same time, the Republicans and conservatives, who USUALLY are known to say, "A woman's place is in the home with primary role as wife, mother and nurturer, etc, etc, etc..."
are NOW saying, Mrs. Palin can certainly do both and more power to her! She can "have it all".
I find it all just too funny.
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